


Sex Ed with Kenny McCormick

by standarsh



Category: South Park
Genre: Friendship, Gen, M/M, Swearing, a lot of sex talk, craig/kenny mention, friends with benefits in chapter 2, implied stan/kyle, romance in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:10:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4396727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standarsh/pseuds/standarsh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan's gay. He's gay and he's pretty confused about it, so he goes to the only person he can think of for help.<br/>[Stenny] - Friendship in Chapter 1; turns in to more in Chapter 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Ed with Kenny McCormick

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> I've written this so that the first chapter is based around their friendship (and the main idea for the fic), and chapter two is where things progress in a different direction; if you don't ship Stenny/don't want to read about them being hella gay I'd advise you to only read the first chapter! Either way i hope you enjoy. C:

It's in the spring of his junior year that Stan finally revisits the idea that he “might be gay”. It's the beginning of the fourth quarter; he and his friends have just returned to school from spring break (in which they held a particularly brilliant seventeenth birthday party for Kenny _and_ managed to land themselves a last minute flight to Las Vegas– but that's a whole other story) and he knows he should be getting a head start on studying for his classes, but instead he's sitting in his bedroom blankly staring at his computer screen for the tenth time that day.  
  
I'm not doing it, he tells himself. I am not fucking doing it; I am not googling this. However despite this internal monologue he finds himself lightly laying his fingertips on the keys only thirty seconds later. Fuck.  
  
Okay, no okay. This is totally normal; it's totally healthy! Asking questions is _good._ For another moment he stares at the blank search bar in front of him and tries to figure out how to word it, but ends up bright red before he's even entered the first word.  
  
“How do....” he begins, and then types the last four words as quickly as possible as if this will make it less mortifying, “...gay guys have sex.”  
  
He hits enter unnecessarily hard and covers his face with one hand as the page loads, and then it takes him at least thirty seconds to gather up the courage to peek between his fingers.  
  
It's not that he doesn't _know_ how gay guys fuck; it's not like the basic concept isn't a common topic/insult among juvenile males. It's more that the... _specifics_ , are a total mystery to him. He has a lot of questions, and a lot of concerns he wants to address but who the fuck is he supposed to talk to about this stuff? His mom? Way too embarrassing. His dad?! _Hilarious_. Kyle? Out of the question.  
  
This leaves him all out of ideas and so here he is consulting a fucking search engine and simultaneously worrying about someone somehow finding his browser history despite the fact he'll delete it immediately afterwards.  
  
“ _About 93,730,000 results.”  
  
_ He groans quietly to himself.  
  
He skips over the inevitable 'yahoo answers' result (because he knows fucking better than to even entertain that one) and clicks on one further down. He covers his mouth with his knuckles, and begins to read. All it takes is a few uses of the word 'anus' and 'scrotum' before he hightails on out of there. Jesus _Christ_.  
  
Another one he clicks on starts talking about lesbian sex and he finds he's even more repulsed by that. Probably further evidence for the whole gay theory really...  
  
He clicks on a few more links and tries to ignore his discomfort/humiliation for a further five minutes but to no avail. The more he reads the more uncomfortable (and honestly, kind of scared) he feels; there are way too many medical terms and all they're really telling him are vague things like “sex means different things to different people” and that some gay men like it up the ass. How _informative.  
  
_ He doesn't doubt that he could search for more specific things and eventually find some of the answers he's looking for but he just can't bring himself to do it. For a moment he entertains the idea that maybe he's one of those people that just don't like the idea of sex, but he's pretty sure that isn't the case. If it were he wouldn't find himself desperate for answers like this so often and he sure as fuck wouldn't be as sexually frustrated.  
  
What he really needs is to talk to an actual _gay guy;_ but who? He doesn't fucking know any! Wait, no. He does, but there's no fucking way he'll ever attempt to talk to Craig Tucker about anything let alone something as personal as this.  
  
It's this exact train of thought that gives him an idea.  
  
 _Kenny.  
  
_ Kenny and Craig have been fucking _forever,_ and although Kenny's not actually gay, he definitely knows a thing or two about fucking dudes. Having that talk with him though? That means actually having this conversation out loud. That means admitting to somebody (other than Kyle) that he's gay.  
  
The idea of this gives Stan a lot of anxiety but he's getting desperate. Kenny's a good guy, he reasons. He wouldn't tell anyone. He may rip on him a little but he's definitely not homophobic. Stan tries to convince himself that the benefits outweigh the inevitable awkwardness and/or humiliation.  
  
He groans. Stan considers Kenny a close friend and all, but they don't really talk; not about shit like this at least. Well, Kenny does. He's mostly just stating filthy things out loud though; he's never actively engaged in a conversation about sex with a guy. Stan realizes that's because nobody ever asks.  
  
He considers attempting this conversation over text, but then it occurs to him that 1) that means it's in _writing_ and 2), Kenny has a habit of disappearing off the face of the earth for hours/days at a time and he could be waiting a while for a reply. That would drive him fucking insane.  
  
Stan concludes that he's either going to have to try this in person or not try it at all. He almost texts him and asks if he wants to hang out, but then he pussies out and decides that instead of actively seeking out an opportunity to talk about this, he'll wait for one to arise.  
  


* * *

  
It's nearly two weeks later that said opportunity appears. They have chemistry together last period on Fridays and on this particular day a certain Craig Tucker happened to have called in “sick”; that meant Kenny would want a ride home. Kyle will be too busy with after school shit, and Cartman has his own car so they'll be left to spend a little time alone together.  
  
Stan thinks this is as good a time as ever, so before the end of class he leans over and asks Kenny if he wants a ride.  
  
“Fuck, please dude.”  
  
“Kay. You wanna hang out after school?”  
  
“Sure, man.”  
  
The lesson ends and Kenny's a little quiet, or maybe miserable when they leave their lockers and head to the student parking lot. Stan wonders if it's because he's not going home with Craig but he says nothing.  
  
“That was probably the dullest chem class we've had all fuckin' semester.” Kenny supplies as they climb in to Stan's car.   
  
He digs around in his backpack for a second before pulling out a beaten-up carton of cigarettes and placing one between his lips. He gestures to the open carton and raises his eyebrows at Stan, but Stan declines the offer with a shake off his head. Kyle would fucking murder his ass if he ever caught him smoking again. Kenny shrugs and retrieves a lighter from his pocket before lighting up and rolling down the window.  
  
It's about a fifteen minute drive from their high school in Fairplay back to South Park, and for the most part Kenny and Stan don't talk. Stan puts music on and Kenny leans forward to turn it up, drumming his fingers against his thigh to the beat as he watches the scenery pass them by.  
  
Stan spends the entire car journey trying to come up with a way to start the conversation and by the time they're pulling in to his driveway he's feeling sick with anxiety. He's kind of used to that though.  
  
He turns the key in the door and gestures for Kenny to enter first as he pulls it back out and pockets it. He follows the blond inside and dumps his backpack next to the door before heading to the kitchen. He crosses the room to the fridge and pulls out a plate before turning to Kenny.  
  
“Left over pizza?”  
  
The way Kenny's eyes light up as he nods makes Stan frown a little but he quickly brushes this aside and piles four slices on to a plate. He grabs a can of soda, offers it to Kenny and then takes one for himself before closing the refrigerator with his foot.  
  
When they're upstairs and munching on cold pizza on Stan's bed, he starts attempting to form the right sentence in his mind. Kenny's lying on his side resting his head on one hand and Stan's sitting cross-legged a little way away from him.  
  
“So, uh, how's things with Craig?” he tries, feigning nonchalance.  
  
Kenny raises an eyebrow and stops chewing for a second to give Stan a somewhat skeptical look. Stan doesn't notice this however because he's suddenly found one of his socks incredibly interesting.  
  
“Uh,” Kenny starts, sounding suspicious, “...fine I guess.”  
  
All Stan can think to do is nod in response and Kenny narrows his eyes suspiciously at this.  
  
“You know we're not dating right?”  
  
“Huh? Oh yeah dude, I know.”  
  
“Okay...”  
  
Fuck, talk about awkward.  
  
“I just, uh, wondered 'cause you guys seem really close, y'know?”  
  
“Right...”  
  
Stan feels a little frustrated at this because Kenny really isn't giving him much to work with here.  
  
“We're not really that close, we're just fucking dude.” Kenny adds after a moment of silence.  
  
He's not sure if Kenny added this because he sensed Stan's frustration, or if maybe he's just curious as to where the fuck Stan is trying to go with this. Either way, it leaves an opening in the conversation that works in Stan's favor.  
  
“About that-” Stan says quickly, probably a little too quickly actually...  
  
Kenny stares at him as if he's grown three extra heads and Stan's cheeks flush as he's put on the spot.  
  
“Um...”  
  
“'About that'?” Kenny repeats.  
  
Stan swallows and picks at the bed sheets.  
  
“I don't really know how to...”  
  
Kenny sits up now, suddenly interested and Stan feels more anxious than before.  
  
“Dude, spill.”  
  
“Okay, um,” Stan says weakly; he clears his throat. “I just- I don't really know who else to talk to... about this. I, uh, I-”  
  
“Is this about you being gay?”  
  
Stan stops dead. For a moment he's completely devastated because he's so sure Kyle has said something.  
  
“It's obvious dude.”  
  
Stan looks at him with utter confusion while Kenny shoves more leftover pizza in his mouth as if this is the most casual conversation they've ever had.  
  
“Dude!”  
  
“What?”  
  
Stan opens his mouth a couple of times to speak, still looking considerably horrified but Kenny talks instead.  
  
“It's not a big deal Stan, nobody cares.”  
  
He doesn't know if this revelation makes him feel more at ease or worse.  
  
“I'm not sure what this has to do with me and Craig though, seems like a weird way to bring it up.” Kenny adds, his tone doubtful.  
  
It's not the first time Stan's noticed how observant the blond can be.  
  
“Right...”  
  
Kenny waits patiently; he opens his can and takes a sip, knowing full well that trying to push Stan in to talking is counterproductive.  
  
Stan takes his time choosing his next words carefully.  
  
“I don't... know anything.”  
  
“Okay...”  
  
“Like, I don't know what I'm doing.”  
  
“Can you be a little more specific?”  
  
“I'd rather not.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Kenny pauses and mimics Stan by crossing his legs. He balances the can of soda on his knee with one hand and taps at the metal a couple of times.  
  
“Do you want me to like, ask questions then? About what it is you 'don't know'?”  
  
Stan nods.  
  
“Okay...” Kenny replies. He considers that it's not like Stan to be so on edge (despite the kid having some serious anxiety issues) and decides to proceed with caution.  
  
“So, you're definitely gay right?” he asks carefully. He wants to start out small before he assumes too much.  
  
“I... think so?” Stan says, but he sounds uncertain.  
  
“You're not sure?”  
  
“I don't- no. It's kind of hard to tell, like, for sure because I've never been with a guy.”  
  
“Right, but you're not happy with girls.”  
  
It's more of a statement than it is a question. Stan's unease around women has never been a secret. For a long time people chalked it up to nerves but Kenny's suspected otherwise since eighth grade.  
  
“Uh, no...”  
  
“Okay. That's a start,” he responds brightly. “You're probably a flaming homo dude.”  
  
“...Great.”  
  
Kenny laughs at this.  
  
“Okay so, what is it that you don't know exactly?”  
  
Stan looks uncomfortable and doesn't answer.  
  
“Okay... Is it how to come out?”  
  
“No, no. I'm not looking to come out any time soon I don't think.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I dunno I just... I'm not ready yet?”  
  
Kenny frowns.  
  
“Okay. Do you like a specific guy?”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“You... wanna know where to find guys?”  
  
“Uh... not... not yet I guess?”  
  
“Right. So you're not trying to get laid then?”  
  
There's a pause.  
  
“....Not exactly...”  
  
Kenny raises an eyebrow.  
  
“'Not exactly?'”  
  
“I um- I'm not... I'm not ready for that I don't even know... how that would even... uh-”  
  
“Wait wait wait. You don't know how guys fuck?!”  
  
“No! I mean yes! That's not what I-”  
  
“You're confused about sex.”  
  
“...I guess?”  
  
Kenny smirks at this and takes a swig from the can still in his hand.  
  
“You've come to the right place my friend.”  
  
“This conversation never happened.” Stan clarifies.  
  
“Right. Okay, so what about sex is confusing you?”  
  
“........”  
  
“Dude I'm not a fuckin' mind reader.”  
  
Stan is bright red now and pinching the bridge of his nose, an old habit from elementary school.  
  
“There's just a lot of... gaps in my knowledge.”  
  
“Yeah, well, gay sex education doesn't really exist. It's bullshit. Just be blunt with me dude, what _specifically_ is concerning you? I'm not gonna judge.”  
  
“There are just-! Loads of questions dude!”  
  
“Such as?”  
  
“...Do you- do you not use protection if you're both clean? Does it hurt? Does it _bleed_? Is it like... really gross? Isn't there some serious... hygiene issues involved?! Is it bad for you in the long-run? How do you know who's expected to top? Does it even really _feel good_?! Do y-”  
  
“Woah woah woah! Dude slow the fuck down, _Jesus Christ_.”  
  
Kenny looks stunned and tries to make sense of Stan's babble. Stan simply stares with parted lips, looking a little red in the face and still mildly troubled.  
  
“Fuck how long have you been keeping that in?” Kenny asks, amused.  
  
“Fuck off” Stan says, but there's no venom behind it.  
  
“Okay you're gonna have to ask those again because I've forgotten half of them; yes. You always use protection. Well... I don't, but _you_ should.”  
  
“How come?”  
  
“Because... Because regardless of whether or not you're both clean, it's still way too easy to get some really nasty infections. Like, in your dick and shit. It's really common and it can be pretty dang-”  
  
“Okay okay, noted! I don't want to hear anymore, _gross_.”  
  
“No seriously dude _always_ make him wear a condom, no excuse.”  
  
“Oka- wait. Wait what?! What the fuck makes you so sure the other guy will be the one wearing it!”  
  
“Huh? Oh. Uh, I didn't mean it like that... mostly. Anyway!”  
  
Stan glares but remains quiet.  
  
“Nothing wrong with bottoming bro. Anyway, anyway,” he says before Stan can retaliate. “Uhh, oh, it should never bleed. Seriously never. I mean I think it's pretty easy to make a guy bleed because that shit is sensitive y'know? But if you're doing it _right_ that should never be an issue. That's not normal.”  
  
“What do you mean 'right'? And how do you even _know_ this shit?”  
  
“Google. Duh. And experience.”  
  
Stan remembers his experience with searching online and feels somewhat doubtful that Kenny spent even half as long doing research.  
  
“Right.”  
  
“Craig knows what he's talking about too, being like the gayest kid in all of Colorado and everything, so it's not just coming from me. This isn't the first time I've had this kind of conversation, believe it or not.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“And again, I've had a _lot_ of sex.”  
  
“...Good for you.” Stan says, unsure whether to be grossed out or not.  
  
“Anyway. Doing it 'right',” he continues, making air-quotation gestures with his hands, “means a lot of things. It means making sure your partner is comfortable and enjoying themselves. It means using protection and lube – a lot of lube, by the way.”  
  
Stan visibly cringes at this but Kenny ignores him.  
  
“Which leads me to my next point. You asked if it hurts. It... kind of does. Like, it should never be agony or anything. It shouldn't really hurt much at all, but I'm not gonna lie and say it's not uncomfortable the first few times. It gets better with practice. It's not _supposed_ to hurt, but when you're both inexperienced or you're with a new guy or whatever it doesn't always go smoothly y'know? So keep that in mind.”  
  
Kenny pauses because Stan looks incredibly concerned.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You look terrified dude.”  
  
“Shut up! This shit is fucking scary.”  
  
Kenny pretends not to notice that his voice is trembling a little in places.  
  
“I know. I mean, I don't know really because I'm not a gay guy and my first time bottoming wasn't really a big deal for a variety of reasons but like, I can understand this must be really fuckin' scary. It's nothing to be ashamed of dude.”  
  
Stan thinks Kenny trying to comfort him is worse, it makes him feel kind of pathetic.  
  
“My point is, sometimes, at first, it can hurt a tiny bit. That's no reason to panic, it's pretty common, but it's not ideal. If it does you should stop and take it slower. The slower you take it and the more you prep the guy or, y'know, _are_ prepped, the easier it'll be.”  
  
“...Kay.” Stan says weakly.  
  
Maybe talking about it is worse than not knowing. He's sure he'll be relieved when the time comes to have had this conversation, but right now it seems like the whole thing was a pretty awful idea.  
  
“Okay so what else was there? I forgot.”  
  
“Well, that's great that it's not 'supposed to hurt' and all but does it ever even feel _good_?”  
  
“Oh my god _yes.”  
  
_ Stan doesn't know how to respond to this.  
  
“Jesus Stan it's so fucking good.”  
  
“I mean like- I mean if you're on... the bottom-”  
  
“That's what I'm talking about.”  
  
“Oh.” Stan says, surprised.  
  
“Not that it doesn't feel fucking amazing on top because fuck it does.”  
  
“Um... cool.”  
  
“Stan, you know guys have this thing called a 'prostate' right?”  
  
“R-Right-”  
  
“Right, that's commonly called the 'male g-spot' because when you're being fucked it stimulates it and it feels fucking incredible. Like, it's a whole other kind of pleasure dude. Even if I was totally straight I'd still want that to be a part of my sex life.”  
  
“Jesus.”  
  
“Yeah.” Kenny grins.  
  
Stan feels a little more relaxed now. He's not sure if it's because of this revelation or because Kenny is so casual talking about all of it.  
  
“Anything else?”  
  
“Well... yeah.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Um. This is kind of the worst one.”  
  
“Okay...”  
  
“Like, the one that... worries me the most.” Stan says, trying to hint at it without having to actually say it.  
  
“Which is...”  
  
“Ugh. The- the _hygiene issue._ ”  
  
“The wh- Oh! You're talking about _shit_!”  
  
“DUDE!”  
  
Kenny starts laughing and Stan covers his face out of a mix of disgust and humiliation.  
  
“Okay-”  
  
“Please don't be too graphic unless you _want_ me to throw up on you.”  
  
“Gross. Okay, okay. I'll try and be as vague as possible,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Put simply Stan, your ass is a passage, not a storage facility.”  
  
“Eeeewwww-”  
  
“Shut up. So long as you have decent personal hygiene you won't notice anything nine times out of ten. As far as I know.”  
  
“That really isn't comforting.”  
  
“Sex can be messy dude.”  
  
“That's it I'm asexual.”  
  
Kenny laughs.  
  
“I don't think that's something you can just choose to be. Celibacy is I guess, but where's the fun in that?”  
  
“Oh my god.”  
  
“Dude chill, honestly when the time is right and you're with the right guy, none of this shit will be an issue. No pun intended.”  
  
“Kenny” Stan groans and wraps his arms around himself.  
  
He laughs again.  
  
“Sorry. So does that clear things up for you?”  
  
“I guess so.” he says, frowning.  
  
“Don't worry about it. Sex is supposed to be fun.”  
  
“Well it doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.”  
  
“That's because you're a virgin.”  
  
“Fuck off.”  
  
Kenny smiles, he can't help but find the whole thing endearing.  
  
“What even brought this on?”  
  
“Uh... being gay?”  
  
“No I mean, why now?”  
  
“I've been wondering this stuff for fucking ever I just, I didn't really have anyone to ask I guess.”  
  
“Dude, you can always come to me about anything like this, okay?”  
  
“Thanks.” he says, and it's genuine.  
  
They sit in a surprisingly comfortable silence for a little while and Kenny finds himself staring at the last slice of pizza. Stan still has his hands resting on his shoulders and he's seemingly deep in thought so when Kenny speaks again it startles him a little.  
  
“You gonna eat that?”  
  
“...Absolutely not.”  
  
Kenny can't help himself when he starts laughing, he thinks Stan's face is fucking _priceless._

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
